June 7, 2012
Give us a summer to-do list for the athlete of your choice.
RACHEL: Derrick Rose’s to-do list looks like this: 1. Get better. 2. Get better. 3. Get better.
JACK: LeBron to, uh, choke.
MAREK: For LeBron James: Finish the last book in “The Hunger Games” trilogy.
ANNA: Dear Carlos Marmol: 1) Do not let more runs in. 2) Make the batter strike out more. 3) Maybe grow a mustache? 4) Don’t cause nice people to become irritable and rude by blowing the game.
CHEVELLE: Rafael Nadal: 1) Play better tennis, 2) get cool like Federer, 3) be less of a nadal, 4) eat something so you can stop biting your trophies
How is sports like graduation?
RACHEL: You remember the good memories while at the same time you wish it all would end because you’re ready for something new.
JACK: It can be sweaty.
MAREK: Uh … they both have walking in there somewhere.
ANNA: You get really excited for it, and then it comes, and then you’re either severely disappointed or ecstatic. But at least you got peanuts, right?
CHEVELLE: There’s always that one guy who everyone ROARS for and then that person that makes everyone go: WHO?!
How is 36-year-old Paul Konerko playing better than ever?
RACHEL: Pixie dust.
JACK: How good was he before?
MAREK: He’s tacked on a third of his career Player of the Week awards in just this year!
ANNA: Well, he could have been a 36-year-old man-who-still-lives-in-his-mom’s-basement, so I guess that’s better.
CHEVELLE: He realized 36 was a perfect square and the rest is history! or something like that…
How would you make the Summer Olympics more London-y?
RACHEL: By adding “London-y” events like solving mysteries, tea-drinking contests and Quidditch.
JACK: Make marathoners stop for tea midway through the race.
MAREK: Add Quidditch to the events and let Harry Potter referee!
ANNA: Dunk tanks filled with tea!
CHEVELLE: They could bring back all the Beatles (or Coldplay) to light the fire
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