Ryan Calvin, Rich Central    Anna Marketti, Homewood-Flossmoor

Amon Rizvi, Bartlett           Jack Howard, York

Why did Rodney the Pomeranian pick the Phoenix Coyotes to beat the Blackhawks in their playoff series?

RYAN: He has to show alliance with his fellow canines.

ANNA: His mom told him he had to be nice to his cousins.

AMON: Pure stupidity …

JACK: They’re a little more than kin, and the pick’s less than kind.


What will be the next Ozzie Guillen scandal?

RYAN: He pulls a Kanye West at the ESPYs.

ANNA: Little does everyone know, he practices his fast speech in the locker room when no one’s there.

AMON: Tag teaming with Ozzie Osbourne, obviously.

JACK: When reporters start comprehending what Ozzie’s said in the past.


Who should the Saints hire as head coach while Sean Payton’s suspended?

RYAN: Drew Brees. He could be the Bill Russell of the NFL.

ANNA: Lady Gaga. She’ll come up with some great plays after a 10-minute dance break.

AMON: God?

JACK: Dog the Bounty Hunter.


What would be the downside to dating Brian Urlacher?

RYAN: Just like LeBron, he will probably never get you a ring.

ANNA: Realizing you’re dating Brian Urlacher.

AMON: If you ever go out dancing together, his large feet may crush not only a few toes, but the entire foot.

JACK: Trying to read his signals.

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The Mash is the Chicago Tribune's newspaper and website written for teens, by teens. The paper is distributed for free every other Thursday at Chicago-area high schools and is written largely by high school students.

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