Sports

 

Meme this photo.

GABRIELLE: Protein shakes. The aftermath.

DANIAJA: That moment when you’re trying to get off of a crowded train and the person getting on shoves you.

KASEY: Pull your shorts down, I can see your nasty underwear.

AALIYAH: “Mother of God. Is this what normal height feels like?”

 

Who’s getting your NBA All-Star vote and why?

GABRIELLE: Take a look at J.J. Redick from the Orlando Magic, and you’ll know why it’s him hands down.

DANIAJA: Dwight Howard. He was brave enough to put on that headband … he deserves something.

KASEY: Can I vote for Rose even if he’s injured?

AALIYAH: Channing Tatum because … well, why not?

 

This is the Stockton Ports’ new logo. What’s going on here?

GABRIELLE: They’re a new team: strong sailors with tattoos that bat with asparagus.

DANIAJA: Popeye gave up the spinach and started bench-pressing asparagus. Get on his level.

KASEY: Oh I get my RBIs because I eat my asparagi … I’m Stockton the sailor man.

AALIYAH: It appears Popeye the Sailor is being challenged to a vegetable duel.

 

Major League Soccer without David Beckham will be like …

GABRIELLE: … the end of girl soccer fans. Seriously.

DANIAJA: … Simon Cowell without extremely too small T-shirts. It’s just not possible.

KASEY: … how much Americans care about soccer with David Beckham.

AALIYAH: … like “Twilight” without the love triangle. Oh wait … then it’d just be normal.

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The Mash is the Chicago Tribune's newspaper and website written for teens, by teens. The paper is distributed for free each Thursday at Chicago-area high schools and is written largely by high school students.

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