Sports

By Iemaan Rana,
Whitney Young
After Pakistan lost their spot in the Twenty20 Cricket World Cup finals by a mere 16 runs, I knew watching any more matches would painfully injure my pride. It was then I made the tough decision to put aside my prejudices against American sports and watch something new. I switched on the Bears game against the Texans, the first football game I had watched since the 2007 Super Bowl, and I was utterly shocked at what I saw.

“The Bears have it … turnover … field goal! Interception! DID YOU SEE THAT?!”

Unlike cricket, football allows fans to obnoxiously scream and shake their fists at the TV without judgment. Not wanting to miss the fun, I cheered loudly for a sport I was vaguely familiar with. Unsurprisingly, the Bears lost. But I had a great time.

As I poured myself a glass of ice cold Coca-Cola after the game, I felt the beginning of something new dawn upon my life. I was being immersed in the world of sports. I could just hear the ESPN gods chuckling and extending a hearty, “Welcome to the club.”

Game of the week
Chicago Elite Classic: Simeon vs. Milton (Georgia)
8 p.m. Saturday at UIC

This monster game features the best of the Midwest versus the best of the South! The Eagles have won two out of the past three Georgia state championships—but now they’re under the direction of new coach Van Keys. The previous coach resigned after being dogged by questions about recruiting, and Keys admits that he has had to start from scratch. But he was previously coach for nine years at Milton.

Keys didn’t know a lot about Simeon when he talked to The Mash, but he added, “My main concern is my team, obviously, and getting them to play their best.”

Someone the Simeon Wolverines should watch out for? “Mo Lewis,” Keys said. “He’s a warrior. He’s a hard worker, comes to practice every day, competes to get better and he’s just a leader. He’s our leader.”

Rants and Raves
Currently loving the Chicagooooo Bulls! Although a bit dramatic, they don’t disappoint. … Brooklyn Nets forward Reggie Evans is the first player to be fined for flopping! Come on, Evans! The NBA is not your high school drama class! … The Bears’ o-line is weaker than my grandmother.

Strange Sports
Say hello to the Monday Night Football of Fred Flinstone’s time: club swinging! Basically, the athlete swings around bowling pins in elaborate ways to earn points! I’ll bet you the guy who invented this is the same guy who tried to pretend that trampoline jumping is a sport.

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About The Mash

Maura Wall Hernandez is digital editor of The Mash.

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