Sports

 

Pick an athlete and tell us what’s on his or her holiday wish list.

AALIYAH: We all know LeBron James is wishing for Joakim Noah’s hair this Christmas.

KILEY: Jay Cutler wishes for a new offensive line.

PERRY: D-Rose—a new MCL after he tore his old one.

KASEY: Every athlete, and probably every basketball fan, wishes that LeBron could get his ring revoked this Christmas.

GABRIELLE: Secretly, Joakim Noah and I have the same wish list: Uggs, different Baby Lips Chapstick flavors and colored felt-tip pens from Papermate.

 

Milwaukee Bucks player Drew Gooden gave free tickets to a fan who tweeted a pic of a Bulls jersey in a toilet. Come up with something creative to do with Gooden’s jersey.

AALIYAH: Someone should Photoshop a picture of a matador holding a Bucks jersey while a bull prepares to run towards it.

KILEY: Run it over with a BULLdozer.

PERRY: Make a bonfire out of it.

KASEY: Start a movement to get everyone to stop buying his jerseys. They will eventually stop being sold.

GABRIELLE: Glue it onto a busy highway for a bunch of cars and trucks to drive over.

 

If Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa can be on the Hall of Fame ballot, then …

AALIYAH: … it’s obviously OK to take enhancers. No big deal.

KILEY: … Lance Armstrong should get his titles back.

PERRY: … steroids might as well be legal.

KASEY: … Joan Rivers can be on the ballot for “Best Aging.”

GABRIELLE: … they would be on the Hall of Fame?

 

What’s the difference between Northwestern’s Willie the Wildcat and Kansas State’s Willie the Wildcat? 

AALIYAH: Northwestern’s Willie the Wildcat looks like an adorable, mischievous cat ready to have fun on the field. Kansas’ Willie looks like a killer cat ready to bite someone’s head off.

KILEY: TWo—since one is in the Big 10 and one is in the Big 12.

PERRY: K-State’s Willie looks like a shark out of water, while Northwestern’s Willie looks like a raccoon.

KASEY: I’d love to go to Northwestern.

GABRIELLE: Simple. Northwestern’s Willie looks like a cat-dog and K-State’s Willie looks like a cat-shark.

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Maura Wall Hernandez is digital editor of The Mash.

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