Sports

The Bears play the Packers on Sunday (noon, Fox). Make up a rhyme about how big this game is.

HUNTER: The Bears fight for first place with their rival, the Packers. This game could be tough without Brian Urlacher.

GABRIELLE: Don’t be squares, watch the Bears!

STEFFIE: The Bears play the Packers on Sunday. For the Bears it’ll probably be a fun day. They try hard as they can but fail at their plan, but don’t worry, maybe they’ll beat the Packers one day.

PERRY: Urlacher is out / but there is no doubt / we’ll beat these Packers / and eat some Cracker Jack … ers.

 

Go on a Google hunt and find the most unusual college or pro player’s name out there.

HUNTER: You can’t go wrong with the Bobcats’ Bismack Biyombo.

GABRIELLE: Kim Yoo Suk (pole vaulter), Eddie Stanky (former Cub), Destinee Hooker (U.S. Olympic women’s volleyball), Mo Cheeks (former 76er)

STEFFIE: Guy Whimper

PERRY: Chief Kickingstallionsims (former Alabama State basketball player)

 

You’ve probably heard about the New Orleans Hornets changing their name to the Pelicans. Rename another team.

HUNTER: The L.A. Lakers should be called the Hollywood Lakers with all the drama they’ve had recently. Kobe needs to stop throwing his teammates under the bus, and they need to win some games.

GABRIELLE: Oklahoma City Thunder becomes Oklahoma City Drought.

STEFFIE: Evergreen State College’s mascot is the Geoduck, which, apparently, is a saltwater clam. Clams don’t even have arms or legs to fight you! Probably the lamest mascot ever. I would rename them the Thunderbolts.

PERRY: The Detroit DoNothings

 

LeBron James reportedly has this Photoshopped pic on his phone. If this were real, what would happen next?

HUNTER: LeBron drives to the basket, Jordan reaches to stop him, they both leave their feet … then a Nike swoosh fills the screen—it’s all a commercial.

GABRIELLE: It looks like he would have easily made the shot.

STEFFIE: Jordan would smack him in the face and tell him to deflate his ego.

PERRY: MJ steals and goes for a classic Jordan dunk.

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Maura Wall Hernandez is digital editor of The Mash.

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